Mega (mega) wrote,

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Everything in it's right time

So Mid-July last year I bought my last packet of cigarettes. I had a few left over from the packet before then. Slowly I started to save as many as I could, knowing that my attempt to quit smoking was to start once the newly acquired pack was run out. I made a deal with myself that once I leave the country I would not buy anymore packs of cigarettes, which was made an easier task since I was not allowed to earn an income (US law), and I knew that Patrick would refuse to support my tobacco habit (I might have been able to push it, but why would I want to?), which was quite small, given the two packs a week I would usually go through (50 per week of 1mg cigarettes).

My last packet of cigarettes ran out in August 2003, maybe about the second week in. After that time I had a couple of drags to see how not smoking had affected me and my body. I guess I didn't want to post a "yay I have been smoke free for a year" thing because going back on it would make me feel crappy, even though it is my choice what I do. Also I could not celebrate for being smoke-free due to those couple of drags. I am not going to sweeten up the image of a smoke-free Mega when it isn't 100% true.'s been about a year since I have stuck any tobacco objects in my mouth. I don't even think I have had any portion of a cigar in over a year now either. Has it changed me? You bet. I knew that I could hide my confidence behind those cigarettes. I am definitely quieter than most people are used to. I haven't been my crazy-self for some time now. I miss it, but what can I do? Relying on something that isn't healthy for myself or those around me versus a better personality, but then it is a weakness to rely on something synthetic to bounce my personality about, right?

Also, people talk about weightgain after quitting. They seem to put it down to people eating whenever they get cravings. Take my word for it, it isn't always that way. Two things...cigarettes can suppress the appetite, and also your metabolism is higher if you are a smoker. So I have put on weight from not smoking that is not due to overeating. I never ate more, I never really had cravings though either....not like how I expected to.

There is no win:win but I know I have made people happy by doing this, and there is always time for my personality to catch up.

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